


days

by gayriot



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Lesbians :D, Moving On, Post-Break Up, breaking out as a motherfucking literary butterfly, look at me im a writing caterpillar finally emerging from its johndave cacoon, wow a story that has nothing to do with johndave??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 03:11:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6937279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayriot/pseuds/gayriot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>because loving her felt like saying hi to a close friend for just a moment<br/>but loving you feels like i never left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	days

**Author's Note:**

> if you saw my note on chapter two of "hallow the sons" about my computer, totally disregard that noise. fuck that noise. ball that motherfucker into a tight paper wad, send it shooting into the trash bin with a flick of the wrist, better yet just aim for that recycling bin. recycle that melodramatic bitch. (basically im saying that i fixed my computer using a technique i shoulda used in the first place)
> 
> this fic was conceived in the kitchen while i was thinking about an ex of mine and simultaneously making ramen. "being with her felt like i only just briefly met love for a second, and then love was gone," my brain pondered. ah yes, the icy breeze sweeping throughout the graveyard of broken childhood dreams that is teenage angst.

The wind cards it's light fingers through her short ebony hair, the sun kisses her tan skin, and she exhales. And Rose Lalonde is left with nothing but to simply gaze in adoration. 

_11-16-15 Journal Entry #10_

_I believe that I've made a mistake._

_I think I've always regretted my decision to let myself be courted by her. I'm not sure if I ever really wanted this. I doubt myself more often than not, and I doubt her as well. Even more so since we got over our so-called "lover's tiff" and, to put it simply, got back together._

_A young lady from work emailed me today. She's about the same age as I and she seems to dislike her job as much as I do. She proposed a coffee "date" between the two of us. I've worked with her for about six months now, though I've had trouble remembering her name. Her email address only has her last name, but she signed her message with the name K. K has offered to take me to Starbucks and get to know each other—her only explanation being that she's recently been working on getting to know her coworkers better to maintain a healthier relationship with everyone at the restaurant._

_I, for one, think that the only relationship between us all should be kept strictly professional, but I'm not one to turn my nose up at the offer of free coffee. Though, if she proves herself to be boring and simply not worth my time, I shall find an excuse to leave early._

_What would be most believable? "I'm feeling slightly under the weather." "I just got a call from home—my basement's flooded. I have to go." Those would be a simple way out, but what if I'm feeling more adventurous? "My girlfriend has requested that I return home immediately and cater to her needs." That one, although being superfluous, might just be surprising enough to do the trick._

Rose's fingers dance across her caramel colored thighs. She sighs sleepily and leans up to plant a kiss on Rose's cheek. Her position, though, gives her no access to it, and she leaves it on the depression between Rose's collarbones instead. She nuzzles her head in the crook of her neck and shifts her body so that their bare chests are flush with one another. She complains about the cold, and Rose Lalonde laughs.

_11-20-15 Journal Entry #11_

_Oh, I made such a fool of myself!_

_I called my coworker—the one I mentioned in number ten—by the name K on our outing. I was under the assumption that she went by that name! Once I'd said it, the look on her face was one of pure confusion. She stared at me for a moment as if I'd just asked her what the meaning of life is; she had no idea what I was talking about, and it took her a while to regain her composure and respond to me after she'd been caught off guard. But, when she did, she laughed! She hid her mouth behind her coffee cup—she drank her coffee with much more cream, and caramel even, than I ever would, though it did smell wonderful—and the laugh she let out sounded like one you'd only ever hear in a movie, but it fit her._

_I didn't say a word, though I'm sure my face was nothing but pure red. Once she'd stopped laughing at me, I asked what was so funny. She told me her name was Kanaya, not K. Apparently, no one had ever called her that. The only reason it had appeared in her email was because it was sent prematurely. She'd been about to write her full name, but stepped away from her laptop for a moment, only to forget about the task at hand and then send the email without another thought once she'd returned. It didn't seem very funny to me, but I laughed all the same._

_Surely, it's nothing to be embarrassed over—our, for lack of a better word, "date" went well after that. My little mishap seemed to have broken the ice. Kanaya was much more interesting than I initially thought. She spoke eloquently and she showed me a few of her sketches after I'd asked about what she'd like to do later on in life. The clothing she drew was beautiful and put together, and it reminded me of her. She was sweet. The things she'd say made me laugh—she often spoke bluntly, and when the cashier acted rudely to us, her tone of voice became that of a mother wanting to speak to the store manager who'd offended her bratty child. She gave me her personal cell number. I think I'd like to call her soon._

_My girlfriend, however, was not happy to hear about this. She says that I've been ignoring her lately and that I'm being unfair to her. I suppose I do feel guilty. We haven't gone out on a date in a while. I'd take her on one, but my mind wants nothing to do with her. Speaking with her makes me anxious and my stomach queasy._

_Yesterday, she pretended to break up with me. She's a wonderful actress, apparently. I was convinced this was legitimate. I accepted it, and then she burst into hysterical laughter. It's been a while since she's pulled a stunt like that. I was even more embarrassed about that than calling Kanaya by the wrong name. What a dumb thing to be upset over, though._

She's sketching in her notepad again, colored pencils flying across the lined paper. She buzzed her hair only three months ago, and it had already grown in as a short pixie cut. She runs her nimble fingers through it. Rose watches the light roll of her shoulders as she attempts to move from the position she'd been sitting in for hours, then looks at the very last moving box containing her clothing, and clicks her tongue as she begins to pick up where her new roommate had left off. 

_1-1-16 Journal Entry #12_

_The apartment has been peaceful since she moved out. She left without a word, and made sure there was not a trace of her staying behind. I watched her pack her things away and load them into her car. I watched her tie her shoes angrily and then stomp out the front door, slamming it with gusto. She flipped me the bird through the window to which I smiled and waved. And I sighed when she left, and tried not to think of her expression when I told her I wanted to break it off for good._

_I kissed Kanaya when it turned midnight. Or rather, she kissed me. I merely reciprocated. But she didn't look at me when we pulled away. She walked away and fixed herself another drink instead. Her sister was throwing a party. I didn't want to be rude and leave after the kiss, so I chatted with her sibling. I was blitzed for most of our conversation, so I don't remember much. She made a good impression on me, I suppose. I only smile when I think of her._

_Getting back to my girlf—former girlfriend, I don't believe I've ever felt this way about anyone. I think about her a lot, but it's with no malice or longing, or anything in general. We dated for about two years, though I feel nothing. I can only assume that it's because being with her, loving her, felt as if love had only knocked on my door. When I opened that door, it realized that it had the wrong house. It offered me a flower in apology, like a child, and then skipped away to find the right person. And I watched it leave and thought, "You're wrong; you should be here. You should be at this house." But it wasn't supposed to arrive yet...ahh, well. I suppose the point of the metaphor has gotten ahead of me. I'm rambling. I should leave the metaphors to my brothers._

_I haven't stopped asking myself if there ever was a moment where I felt purely and undoubtedly in love._

She's angry; Rose can feel it radiating off of her in waves. Though, neither of the two are sure what there is to be upset about. They've already discussed that she was out of Rose's life, she wanted nothing to do with her. Her empty messages mean nothing. This was the first time she'd messaged her since she left. Rose didn't even reply. There was nothing to be angry about. Though, she guesses that her girlfriend was only being protective of her. She kisses her neck and tells her how much she loves her. Her girlfriend mutters something about gutting her with a chainsaw if she ever messaged her again, and Rose Lalonde simply said nothing. 

_5-22-16 Journal Entry #13_

_I got a ring today._

_It's from Kanaya. It's a promise ring. Oh, it's beautiful. She designed it herself in class. It has a golden band, and the jewel siting atop it is emerald green. She has a matching one with a violet jewel.They're promise rings._

_Kanaya is going to California for a year. It's for an internship and I'm honestly so proud of her, really. She's ecstatic over the opportunity. She says it will help develop her career in fashion, and I don't doubt her word. I have to stay here in New York for school and work, and although she said she could afford to buy me a plane ticket, I turned her down. It breaks my heart, seeing her go. I think it hurts her too, no matter how happy she is. She's been more restless at night and more possessive of me when we go out together. I don't mind; I have to say that I am a sucker for PDA. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that it never happened often in my previous relationships._

_She's very different from the other women I've been with. She's very...open. About everything. She doesn't hide our relationship from her family or her friends. She corrects people when they assume that we're just friends or (surprisingly) sisters. Even before the internship turned up, she's always been comfortable with public displays of affection. I wonder what kind of women she's been with._

_Actually, I'd rather not think about that. It makes me think of the fact that she'll be around gorgeous Californian women for a year without me. It's not that I don't trust Kanaya; I trust her with my life, somehow. I don't trust others, though. ___

_I don't recall a time when I felt this way about the girl before her. It was always me not trusting her instead. I think that, this time, love finally decided to show up at my house. It feels like it never left._

__Kanaya kisses the ring on Rose's pale finger. She leaves tomorrow for California. Right now, though, she's lying in bed with her lover, the only thing adorning their body being their rings. Kanaya traces the curves of her hipbones, threads their fingers together, and she and Rose Lalonde sleep._ _

**Author's Note:**

> i finally wrote something that had nothing to do with john or dave allow me to take a bow
> 
> (u know what would be even better than a standing ovation and roses being thrown at my feet as i bask in the spotlight of creative writing practice? some reviews on my writing and comments about what people would have me write next :D)


End file.
